And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
