At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
