I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
