I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
