awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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