Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
