she woke up with a sticky ear
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
