the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
