I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
All I want is dick and wine.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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