i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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