I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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