I want to walk on stilts...naked
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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