i think my tv is drunk
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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