Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
