Sponge bath it is.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
