I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Randomize
