I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
