so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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