I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
