I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
