Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
