I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize