Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
