can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
they need to just BURY HIM!
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
