Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize