u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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