did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
