she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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