Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize