Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
