I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
