This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
