Will you blow on my dice?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
