I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
