yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
