you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
