you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
