Is it normal to miss your booty call?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize