I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
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