U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
