All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
