Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
