tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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