Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
