WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
