we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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