my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
