Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
