I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
