we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Randomize
