She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
