who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
