Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
