I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
