running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
