Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
