I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
