Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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