Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
