Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
