Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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