you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
