i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I fill condoms, not promises.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize