R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize