There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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