I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
