if only i could text you this smell
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
